fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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