I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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