It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
