I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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