Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
