I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
