C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
