awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
