Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
