I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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