i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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