no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
