SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
