I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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