so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
