Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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