Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
