At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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