Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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