Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
