dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
ttyl tear gas
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
