I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
