facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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