we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
