He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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