I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
