I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
