I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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