I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
