We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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