You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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