What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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