I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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