I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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