FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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