he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
