just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
