the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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