Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
