So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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