Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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