There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
