Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
