Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
