the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
