I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
