Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
