You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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