i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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