I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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