Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
