her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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