Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
