i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
