Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
