Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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