I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
