Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
