So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
