I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
