I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
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I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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