I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
