I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
