If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
