Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
